on doing things that are right for you

When doing things that are right for you, I've learned that it's probably not right for everyone else. That I can't make everyone happy and that I usually learn this after the fact.

Along the way to doing things that are right for you, what is familiar and comfortable will no longer be; especially personally. New friends, new ideas...it would be lovely if it all fit together, but it doesn't work like that, or it doesn't in my world.

When doing things that are right for you but not necessarily everyone else, there's recognition in the moving on, the changes. And within that space, I'm still good with myself, my decisions, knowing that this is exactly where I'm supposed to be.

today

I'm tired. A tired that goes deep enough to take away the words that I'd like to write here, despite an almost overflowing build-up of words that are ready to spill, until I sit down here staring.

We arrived in Los Angeles late Saturday afternoon which was pretty strange. We've landed here many times before, but knowing this was our final destination, that we aren't getting on a plane this weekend to fly back East is pretty fucking surreal.

By late Monday, we had all of our furniture in the house and both cars delivered. Not one thing busted, (ok, I haven't unpacked the boxes but the furniture and art work...all good), and even though the change compartments in both cars were completely cleaned out by the car transporters, I consider this move a huge success.

I want to tell you about my new town. How pretty it is and how it hasn't changed since I was a kid. I want to show you the oil painting, our biggest peice of art, hanging in the powder room and I want to show you the views from our decks, ocean views, people! I can see the ocean and smell the salty air from my house. Wowzers.

I miss NYC but I don't miss Maplewood, NJ. That's the name of our little suburban oasis, now that we're gone I don't mind you knowing where I was. 15 miles from downtown Manhattan and yet it felt incredibly far most days. I loved our house and the friends we made there, but I didn't love how isolated I felt most days; depressed really, cut off and unsure of who I was.

Now that I'm here, I feel like myself again. M and I are good, my family is good, but we've got a lot of drama happening right now that I can't share here because it's not my story to tell. Suffice to say, it's just life getting in the way as it does.

I'm quiet here because I've got a lot on my plate. I hope you all are doing well and I'd love to hear what you all have going on, especially the lurkers. Come out and tell me what's happening in your world today.

xoxo,

Kiki

oh, canada

If you know me and my little family, you know we love Canada. For us, it's a bonus that my sister and her family live in Vancouver; it's a favorite destination for us and we jumped at the opportunity to spend time here, while our belongings travel across the country.

We've been here the better part of a week and we've covered a lot of ground, especially outside of the city limits.

We've been to Richmond and Burnaby; Steveston and Cresent Beach. If I had to choose a favorite location, it would have to be Cresent Beach; the most magical seaside town I've visited, a town I could definitely see myself residing in.

We've also had a lot of favorite foods, things we can't find in the states like dill pickle potato chips and the most divine, fresh, (not frozen like we get in the states),  melt in your mouth salmon sushi. We've guzzled cup after cup of delicious hot coffee and we've pounded the pavement all around the city; so tired our legs are twitching when we finally stop.

And we've saved the best for last. Today, my sister and I will meet up with my favorite Van-town lovelies for a photo walk around Commercial Drive and M will host the kiddies in Stanley Park, visiting the aquarium and giving my sister and I the day off from parenting.

Tomorrow, our last day, (sniff), we'll head up to Horseshoe Bay and a final, farewell meal with my family. I hate having to say goodbye, so instead I'll say, "see you later".

We'll definitely be back soon!

i am

For my happiness project this month, I've focused on June's theme of order as a way to get through this move across the country. Last night I was thinking about order and the lack of it in my personal life, even before we entered the crazy weeks leading up to this move.

I am a girl who wears her heart on her sleeve and always have. I try to play along, try to fit in, but most times, I'm the girl on the outside looking in.

I am a girl that wants to  be liked, maybe more than the average girl. Because I've always felt different, when I've been noticed, especially by someone I admire, I can lose perspective. I allow myself to be a doormat, taking whatever comes my way, making excuses, forgiving again and again.

Despite hurt feelings, I like that I can see past the muck and crap, that my nature is to forgive.  Because everyone and I mean everyone, has their bag of shit they bring to a relationship. There will always be things you like and don't like; it's just a matter of what you can handle.

And I can handle a lot, especially when the alternative,  is not an alternative. Rather than wallow in self-pity, (which I can do very well), I've realized that I need to re-establish my personal boundaries. Instead of taking it all in and torturing myself because I'm not...(insert adjective du jour), I'm contemplating how to be open without being walked upon.

I'm teaching myself that sometimes, I'm going to have to let go. That I can't fix everything, despite the over-drive co-dependency that kicks in whenever I'm faced with adversity.

My word for 2010 is blossom and I need to trust the process in order to flourish.

my happiness project is directly inspired by the book and website: the happiness project.

well that sucked, and then it didn't...

I'm here to tell you that moving really stinks. There's the complete chaos in the weeks up to the move, when you're packing and you don't want to. There's so much to do and yet, you find yourself visiting with friends, going to the city...anything but what you should be doing. And then the move day comes and you're shoving the most random crap into boxes, just get the crap packed! And you realize that most of the boxes you packed prior to the movers arriving will probably be crushed because no one told you to pack the boxes so tight there's no slack anywhere. Or that the packers will be just above slug in the food chain, packing your 2 gargage door openers AND the keys to the detached garage where a lot of your things are packed for the move. And when you call the dispatcher you're told that maybe the packers didn't know it was a garage door opener and I should have put everything away BEFORE they got there. (If you know me, you know how that conversation went down...)

The truck pulled away from the curb at 3pm Friday afternoon and we'll meet it on the left coast sometime next week. While we wait, we're here in British Columbia, Canada visiting family and friends in beautiful Vancouver and finally, finally, I think we're beginning to relax.

housekeeping

Hello and welcome to my new home, in the violet hour. I'm so excited to have a new space here, the timing was perfect with our move to California and I wanted my blog url to be about my creativity, not my work, which was the original plan with Sticking To The Point.

As you all know, we're in the middle of a big move across the country. I'll have a post here on Friday and then the next time will be from Vancouver, BC where we're vacationing while our belongings travel by big rig across the states.

I won't have access to my scanner but have planned accordingly, uploading a pile of polaroids and I'll be sharing digital pictures, (which I'm always shooting), but haven't been posting as much. I also plan to regularly update my photoblog, so please do click around and check back in now and again.

Thank you for following me into my new home.

Welcome!