Maybe because life has finally started to settle down and we're becoming used to the fact that we live in Los Angeles now.
It could be that I'm on the brink of an intense period of time; studying for my licensing exam is going to be a true test of what I'm made of. I've sat for licensing exams three times now; two exams for nationals and one to practice acupuncture in NJ. This exam will be more than any of these three combined.
I'm grateful I've signed up for a review class. Without it, I'm certain I wouldn't pass, and I'm still nervous about whether I'll pass with the class, but that's how I am. I fret.
I've got wanderlust and I'm dreaming of places I'd like to visit and projects I want to begin. Really, it's all just a sign of procrastination, but I've come to know myself and I'll need to nurture my creativity just as much as I'll need to study every day.
As I sit here exhausted from textbooks and flash cards, I like where I am. I've come to understand that I thrive in times of pressure; that status quo is never what I'm looking for and if I find myself there, I'm certain to do something to change it.
I have big plans that are unnamed. Not because I'm cryptic, (although lord knows I can be that), it's that these plans are more of a feeling; a desire and yearning that are present and I'm acknowledging, but what these feelings mean right now aren't clear.
Right now, my answers are in Chinese medicine textbooks and a Monday morning review class. I can't afford to look at anything other than what will be on that test and yet I'm comfortable and comforted by my big plan feelings without knowing the answers.