Big plans were made as I packed my suitcase three weeks ago. I was going to exercise regularly, making use of this insomnia that has become all too familiar and not at all comfortable.
But I've been too tired. Not physically, and not in a sleepy sort of way. Weary is more the word. Weary and worn and so fragile, there's a brittle quality that is so intertwined it feels fused.
Besides everything else that has been going on, I didn't even mention that we're selling our house in New Jersey. Imagine that everything else is so intense in life, that trying to sell your house in a down market, 3000 miles away becomes the easy thing on your agenda. My M has been amazing - orchestrating all that needs to be done with getting our house sold, single parenting and working full-time. He has so much on his shoulders and he still has been an amazing support for me. We've had a lot of shit go down in our fifteen years together; when the shit hits the fan, we know that we've got one another and that is huge.
Speaking of back east, we've booked tickets for a week in NYC mid- August. This vacation, (while very much needed), was also the deciding factor for me in making that decision I mentioned in my last post. I'm still digesting all of that, but also know in my heart of hearts, that I need to take care of myself this summer, stat. After all of this, the fine line I'm walking is my opportunity to listen to my body instead of pushing through as I normally would do.
Today I'm leaving Madelyn's beautiful cottage by the sea, my respite for the past four days. I've been able to insulate myself and take care so that I could recharge and face my last few days here. There are still affairs to get into place for my sister, furniture to be donated and tomorrow, I'm getting my final tattoo.
That's what's happening in my world, please do share with me what's happening in yours.