journal

vacation, had to get away

2012-02-23T03:01:44Z

Palm Springs is even better than I remembered.

I think February is probably the best time of year to be here. It's warm, hot even, but without the blistering heat that beats you down six months out of the year here in the desert.

We chose a kid-friendly hotel, (as opposed to the chic and trendy), complete with water slides and a lazy river. I saw the lazy river and I admit that I scoffed,

"what's the big deal? it doesn't look that great..."

Until I got into an intertube and rode around and around and around. Pretty much one of the best things I've done in awhile, I love a lazy river!

The rest of our days here were spent like this,

Something I could get used to.

I took a self-guided, drive-by tour of the sights around Palm Springs,

and I fell in love with post-modern architecture all over again.

My photo mojo was off, which I've come to accept as part of the ebb and flow of a creative life.

It was good to get away.

list no. 8 :: this week

2012-02-19T23:53:26Z

It's ski week for miss A and that means California has no money and public schools suffer no school.
No school means we're going on a three day getaway to Palm Springs, no. 18 on my list.
Stress and anticipation levels have been off the charts around here. All good, but a change of scenery is needed, with an added side of relaxation. Stat.
Our hotel has a water slide and a lazy river, which means fun for our kid and the kid in me. ( M isn't much of a relaxing poolside kind of guy.) Miss A looked horrified when I said I would be going down the water slide. Yes, we now have the potential to embarrass. Sigh.
I'm excited to shoot Palm Springs. All of that post-modern design. Be still my heart. And I've been in a bit of a slump lately, shooting for Polaroid Girls and Words to Shoot By and not much else, so this is going to be good.
I've spent far too much time considering what to pack, (both camera gear and clothing), trying not to haul everything with me because I can.
And making lists here, of all the things I'd like to see and do.
Like thrifting. I've heard there's good stuff to be found in the desert.
Perhaps a hike in the living desert, no. 19 on my list.
Definitely: book reading, magazine skimming, water sliding and lazy river riding.

i am, no. 6

2012-02-17T02:14:24Z

I am So. Excited. And a bit in shock, fairly anxious, and I wish I could share and will just as soon as I can. I also apologize that I'm being cryptic.

I come from trying to find compassion and forgiveness on a daily basis.

I see that it often feels like bullshit, (see above), but I also feel like I have to try.

I love that every day is a new one. I get a chance to make it right, to make our world better every day. And that's fucking awesome.

I trust that trusting the process is going to be enough. (Because I've tried most everything else.)

I believe my husband when he says he's tired of living with fear. He is committed to pushing the boundaries in a big way and it's admirable because I've come to admit realize that I'm very fear-driven.

I find myself obsessed with native planting and container gardening.

I wonder about our recent decisions. We can be impulsive.

I call in me. Until I trust myself, until I trust my decisions and rely on myself, liking what I see in the mirror, (especially naked), I'm going to keep finding myself in similar situations, different circumstances.

I found out that my friend Susan's left-hand theory is true.

those who wish to sing will always find a song

2012-02-13T20:13:50Z

Yesterday she found a book on the book shelf that we'd bought in Amsterdam years ago after we'd toured the Anne Frank Museum.

She started reading it with her friend.

Later, she asked if the book could be hers, if she took very good care of it.

Today she took it to school, she planned to read during lunch in the library.

The questions that have been asked, 'why were they gassed?' 'what were the chambers like?'

are hard to hear, and even harder to answer.

Some days, parenting is a leap of faith for me, hoping I get those moments that really count right.

list no. 7 :: suggestion box

2012-02-12T15:15:44Z

Life really is beautiful and there is much to be thankful for despite my inane desire to lament.

Therefore, in a desperate attempt to get the fuck over myself, I wrote a list of things I'd like help with from all of you. (Hi, most random things to ride together on a list.)

Camping friends, what tents do you like? Do you own yours, rent one? What should I look for, (I don't like to be cold or wet), and admittedly, I'm a bit of a princess. That said, I've always wanted a tent, and I really need one when I go to Coachella in April.
How do you carry your toiletries when you travel? Leonie showed me her amazing bag, purchased in Europe, and so far, I'm not finding anything remotely comparable. What I'm looking for is a medium bag that zips, preferrably with a pocket inside and waterproof. I have these great bottles (also a suggestion from Leonie), so I'm looking for a bag that can be carried onto the plane if necessary, but also sturdy enough to withstand being checked.
If there was a smaller bag that holds makeup, even better.
What do you pack when you travel? I like jeans but they're bulky and I always pack too much or my entire vacation wardrobe will be black because it's so easy.
Do you have a Kindle or some sort of reading device? Even if you're the girl that adores books, and magazines, really, anything in print, how do you like to travel and read?
Camera gear. How do you travel with yours?
Any suggestions on a tarot deck you like? I had a circular set when I was in college and I loved those cards...wonder if I could find them again...

it's oh so quiet

2012-02-10T22:00:22Z

Carry on.

Any Case*

2012-02-07T14:38:40Z

It could have happened.

It had to happen.

It happened earlier. Later.

Closer. Farther away.

It happened but not to you.

You survived because you were first.

You survived because you were last.

Because alone. Because the others.

Because on the left. Because on the right.

Because it was raining. Because it was sunny.

Because a shadow fell.

Luckily there was a forest.

Luckily there were no trees.

Luckily a rail, a hook, a beam, a brake,

a frame, a turn, an inch, a second.

Luckily a straw was floating on the water.

Thanks to, thus, in spite of, and yet.

What would have happened if a hand, a leg,

One step, a hair away?

So you are here? Straight from that moment still suspended?

The net's mesh was tight, but you? through the mesh?

I can't stop wondering at it, can't be silent enough.

Listen,

How quickly your heart is beating in me.

-Wislawa Szymborska

(*A poem written about the Holocaust, translated from the Polish by Grazyna Drabik and Sharon Olds)

calm, blue ocean, list no. 6

2012-02-05T22:36:57Z

I've been quiet around here, living life this past week at a desperate clip. Frantic to pack up our life, (all food, spices, toiletries), so our rental home could be bombed for termites.
A commonality in the beach towns, apparently this kind of gas leaves no trace, no need to wash your belongings, although honestly, hot water does wonders.
Being somewhat unplugged and also noticing that a few friends have really unplugged, (from all social media), I've noticed what Facebook et al does to my new operating system. In my somewhat fragile state, I see that I spent most of January in a state of I don't know what.
Depressed, (at times), snarky, (almost always), pent up and inert. Taking care of my family and not much else interspersed with pockets exploding with real joy and fun.
Moving my body again has helped.
So has the passing of this termite bombing hurdle that had me fretting over all the what if's and what should I take and eewww, gas in my house for bugs.
I'm looking forward to tomorrow evening after we've moved back into our termite townhouse and I head off to LAX to collect my favorite Kiwi friends from leg one of their holiday adventure.
I'm thrilled to have them here for few days in Los Angeles before they fly out Thursday evening. We'll have a bit of sight-seeing, beach sitting, and dinner out on Wednesday evening like proper adults.

what i can do

2012-02-01T23:10:49Z

vacant

2012-01-30T19:55:16Z

Words to Shoot By